I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
