he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
