Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
