there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
