This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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