And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
