Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
