I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
