I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
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i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
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Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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