Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
