You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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