The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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