I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
