yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
