I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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