i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
