her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
