im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
