just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It was a blind-side dick pic.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize