Porn is love you can see.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
