this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
