***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
