someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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