So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
