I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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