Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
