I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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