shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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