I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
