apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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