She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
