I think I won the penis lottery.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told grandpa to call you daddy
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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