I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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