this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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