if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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