i just sent this text using only my big toe
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
