When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
