At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
