So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He did a backflip because drugs
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