last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
