I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
