she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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