You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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