I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
