i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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