I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
be right there i have to get my cape
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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