She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
