he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
