I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
