I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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