Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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