You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
