youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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