I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
