YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i already hear my dad disowning me
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
