I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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