I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
