C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
