I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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