I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
