the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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