Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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