first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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