You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
