Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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