I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I want to fling myself into the sun
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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