Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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