why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
You just made me feel so damn special
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
