google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
