Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
