Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
