U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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